You should be here…the bittersweet side of a traveling family

 

Today is our son’s first day of Kindergarten and I am sitting here crying like a baby.

I’m doing it for all the typical reasons;

• He’s growing so fast
• His first experience of school
• He was nervous (and so am I)

 

But one of the biggest reasons I’m sitting here is because my husband isn’t.  He should be here.  He is missing out on these big occasions.

 

No, he is not dead. No, he is not in the military.

 

He has something else that keeps him away…the pipeline.

 

Have you heard of it? Probably just the protests, right? A topic for another time.

 

In case you have not heard of it…our country is full of pipelines that run under and above the ground. They crisscross our nation like the veins in our body, providing a supply of liquid and gas that our country depends on.

 

They help transport liquid petroleum and natural gas to help create products we use EVERY DAY like our cell phones, TVs, fuel for our cars, heat to our homes, etc.   You can read about pipelines here.

Another story, another time.

 

Let’s get back to our story…

 

The kids and I decided to come back about a week before so I had time to get the school supplies from the list, figure out timing (for driving), plan out lunches (I’m failing here) and overall scheduling.

 

We also wanted to give our son a bit of time to adjust back home before entering a new situation.  To have time to run around and enjoy summer at the big house.  To get used to sleeping in a new bed and place.

 

It is such an exciting time and yet so hard on our family.

 

For an undetermined amount of time we will be apart from my husband, their daddy.  He is staying back to work, to provide for our family. Unless he gets laid off soon, we most likely won’t see him until around Thanksgiving break.  He is about 8 hours away and that is just too hard on two littles for a weekend trip.

 

This is a job that we chose before we had children.  My husband has worked so hard to get where he is and has become damn good at what he does. As a family we support him!  We know it will be hard and the visits will not come often enough but it is a short-term game at this point.

 

Although, this was a choice we made, it doesn’t make it any easier.

 

The kids and I get to be back in our home.  Making new friends and enjoying our new town.  We get to check out our festivals, sports and whatever else we can find.  We have all these things to keep us busy along with navigating school and all the things that come along with daily life.

 

While it can be fun doing these things, it is also bittersweet.

 

It’s hard for me to not think about the fact that he will miss out on different activities or the excitement of making a new friend.  He will miss out on the bedtime routine, the homework and even simple things like pickup and drop-off.

 

He doesn’t get to hold our sons hand at the dentist when he is scared.

He doesn’t get to wipe our daughters tears away when she gets hurt.

But he wants to.

 

He doesn’t get to teach them how to ride bikes.

He doesn’t get to snuggle with them every night.

But he wants to.

 

I often don’t send him as many pictures when we are apart.  Not because I don’t think that he should see them.  I worry about how it will affect him.  I don’t want him to miss them more than he already does but I don’t want him to miss out either.

 

We know there are options.

Trust me when I say that we have talked about a lot of them.  Our minds have changed several times already.  We know there are options for schooling.  Homeschooling or to just change schools whenever we moved is an option.

I know many families that are doing these things successfully and it works for them.  But each of us is different.  We feel this is what are family needs right now.

 

We also know there is always a way to make something work.  So, for now we are finding ways to make being apart work for our family. Technology certainly helps.  FaceTime is often used as signal allows.

Our family talks daily, even if it is only for a few minutes.  We keep the kids informed on what is happening and encourage them to be engaged in the conversation.

 

 

Please don’t mistake this post as looking for sympathy.

 

We know this is the path that we have chosen.  We have a plan and right now, this separation, this difficult situation is a part of that plan.

 

This post is more for those that are also experiencing this same situation.  I just want you to know that you are not alone.  There are others going through separation just like you.

It may not be for the same reasons but they know the heartache you feel.  The questions you have unanswered.  They have family and friends that just don’t understand.

 

There are others that loved this lifestyle but now want it to change so desperately.  Some are trapped financially and trying to figure a way out.  Others just love this work and are not ready to walk away from it.

 

Whatever the situation, there are others out there that are negotiating similar situations.  Trying to do the best for their family.

 

This post is for you. I hope you know that there are others out there, experiencing similar situations with our travel lifestyle. You are not alone.

 

Ways to help ease the separation…

• FaceTime, Skype, Zoom are great tools to have so that you can have a sense of connection.  They help by providing you with video calls.  You get to see each other while you chat.  We do this daily as long as he has a decent signal.
• Talk.  I’m mean really talk.  Separation makes things seem worse than they are sometimes.  You need to be able to share what you are feeling so things don’t get mixed up or lost in translation.
• Put yourself in their “shoes”.  Try to see things from the other person’s point of view.  Both parties are struggling with different things when separated.  My husband is so good at this, I need to do better.  It’s easy to get wrapped up in whatever we are dealing with that we don’t always stop to see what they are going through also.
• Make time for visits as often as possible.  Obviously this varies on distance and schedules but if you can make something work, DO IT!
• Find support.  Talk to people that can relate or are at least willing to listen.  If you need help finding places for support, check out my post about some resources here.
• If you don’t like the situation, make a plan to change it!

 

 

If you can relate and want to share, I would love to hear from you!  Drop a comment below!

 

As always, thanks for reading!

–Kate