For some, like us, October is a reminder of pregnancy and infant loss.  This October has been marked as my 4th loss.  This one made it to 11 weeks but we did not know until my 12-week appointment.

I came so close to starting to fill out the early weeks in the baby book I bought.  Constantly battling in my mind to share the news or keep it hidden because…what if?  I bought a sweet ultrasound pic frame to match your big brother’s and sister’s frames.  Names started coming to mind.  Wondering what you might look like, how would you interact with your siblings, what characteristics would you share?

Thanks to COVID precautions I attended the appointment alone.  I waited in silence as the doppler searched my abdomen for a heartbeat.  The Dr. mentioned the little peanut was hiding so she would try to grab the handheld ultrasound machine.  I knew what she was doing and I knew the answer then.  This wasn’t the first time for me.

We proceeded with the handheld which found an image but she could hear no heartbeat.  On to the traditional ultrasound room.  The tech tried and searched but she knew as well.  I don’t envy their job in this moment.  To have to tell a mother that their child no longer has a heartbeat when it was so strong just 4 weeks earlier.

As I write this, the process is not over yet.  I had 3 options to decide how I will deal with pregnancy loss this time.  I honestly don’t remember being given an option for my second miscarriage.  The other two happened naturally before I knew what was going on.  We are waiting on surgery, a D & C, or Dilation and Curettage.  The same surgery that gave me my scarring, that prevented us from conceiving in the first place.  It has risks as do the other two options but in my opinion, this will have the least emotional toll on me.

We’ve never considered ourselves religious but we’ve never shut it out either.  We listen when others speak about their different beliefs.  We find that we relate to some things and question others.  Lately, it seems God is being placed or maybe I’m seeing him easier.  

When we first found out about the pregnancy, we believed that it must have been meant to be.  My husband and I have never been able to conceive on our own.  Both children that we do have here on earth were conceived with fertility treatments.  So, to have had this happen the way we are “supposed” to was a miracle in itself.  It must have been meant to be.

But what now?  Was this loss meant to be?  Did we have too much anxiety about becoming parents again?  Did we put out the wrong vibes?  Maybe I didn’t push hard enough about needing extra medical support early in my pregnancy.  After all, 41 is old even in today’s medical standards for being pregnant.  Add to that our fertility issues, surely it shouldn’t have been taken so lightly.

Now we wonder, what is the lesson we are to learn from this?  What growth are we to gain?

There is nothing that can be done to change what has happened.  We will get through our grieving and life will go on.  I’ve done this enough to know that I need space to process but I also need to talk about it.  Especially, with my family.

It’s so easy to shut down.  To not share what you are going through.  We keep it in to avoid feeling it, to protect others, to avoid pity, and for so many other reasons.

Everyone grieves differently so I don’t want to write a post that says this is what you need to do to heal.  I don’t know that exact answer.  I know what works for me most of the time and that is all I can suggest.  Read further for ways that I am dealing with pregnancy loss.

How I am coping

Let it out – Cry, scream, speak in tongue.  Whatever works to let it out.  Your body needs this release.

Talk to others (when you are ready) – My communication consists of texts right now.  I can’t get through a conversation if we are going to talk about our loss.  I can share more through text to those that I want to share with.  You could also consider letters, journals or whatever form of communication feels best.  Seek out professional help as well.  Therapy is often a taboo subject but can be very helpful when processing different events.  You can find other suggestions for mental health wellness here.

Take all the space that you need – That may mean getting away or it may just mean staying silent for now.  It can also mean telling family and friends that you don’t want to share any more right now (or ever).  It may mean taking some days off from work.

Find a way to keep busy – If you are at home all day and left to your thoughts you can quickly go dark.  Try to find little things to occupy your time and mind while also giving yourself a chance to grieve.

Accept help – If someone is offering to do something for you, let them.  You can choose what is okay if multiple things are offered.  It’s hard to say yes, I get it.  I have told people “I’m fine” on multiple occasions but I have also accepted.  In those moments, it is nice to just be.

Ways to help others dealing with pregnancy loss

Again, everyone grieves differently so I can’t speak to what will work for everyone.  I am simply sharing the things that I appreciate in these moments.

Offer but don’t push – If you feel inclined to offer to do something, do so but don’t force it.  Give them just a couple of options to choose from.  It can feel overwhelming when it is an open-ended question like, “What do you need?”.  Things that have been offered;

• Watching the kids
• Providing a meal
• Availability to talk
• Company with no pressure to talk about it

Mind your words – No one really knows what to say in these moments but we always feel that we need to make it easier on the grieving person/family.  Less is often more in this situation.  Let them know how sorry you are and that you are here for them.  Try not to add phrases like, “this too shall pass” or “you can try again”.

Give them space but don’t disappear – If they decline help or to talk accept that but continue to check-in.  When you first share such news, you are often flooded with condolences and offers of help but then you are just left to deal with things on your own.  Even if they continue to decline offers, it is nice to know that someone is still thinking of you in your time of need.

I share this not to “air” my personal information but in hopes of helping others who are suffering in silence.  To let them know they are not alone.  That it is ok to talk about it or to keep quiet.

I share it to help myself process and grieve so that I don’t continue to bottle it up and stuff it down.  It feels unbearable at times and incredibly hard.  Having two others to take care of makes it feel almost strange.  We are so lucky to have the two that we do yet I yearn for this one to be a living part of our family.  It’s hard doing this away from extra support too.  We have great family and friends that have offered to travel to help and we are so thankful for that.

Fly high baby Youngs

-Kate

Today is our son’s first day of Kindergarten and I am sitting here crying like a baby.

I’m doing it for all the typical reasons;

• He’s growing so fast
• His first experience of school
• He was nervous (and so am I)

But one of the biggest reasons I’m sitting here is because my husband isn’t.  He should be here.  He is missing out on these big occasions.

No, he is not dead. No, he is not in the military.

He has something else that keeps him away…the pipeline.

Have you heard of it? Probably just the protests, right? A topic for another time.

In case you have not heard of it…our country is full of pipelines that run under and above the ground. They crisscross our nation like the veins in our body, providing a supply of liquid and gas that our country depends on.

They help transport liquid petroleum and natural gas to help create products we use EVERY DAY like our cell phones, TVs, fuel for our cars, heat to our homes, etc.   You can read about pipelines here.

Another story, another time.

Let’s get back to our story…

The kids and I decided to come back about a week before so I had time to get the school supplies from the list, figure out timing (for driving), plan out lunches (I’m failing here) and overall scheduling.

We also wanted to give our son a bit of time to adjust back home before entering a new situation.  To have time to run around and enjoy summer at the big house.  To get used to sleeping in a new bed and place.

It is such an exciting time and yet so hard on our family.

For an undetermined amount of time we will be apart from my husband, their daddy.  He is staying back to work, to provide for our family. Unless he gets laid off soon, we most likely won’t see him until around Thanksgiving break.  He is about 8 hours away and that is just too hard on two littles for a weekend trip.

This is a job that we chose before we had children.  My husband has worked so hard to get where he is and has become damn good at what he does. As a family we support him!  We know it will be hard and the visits will not come often enough but it is a short-term game at this point.

Although, this was a choice we made, it doesn’t make it any easier.

The kids and I get to be back in our home.  Making new friends and enjoying our new town.  We get to check out our festivals, sports and whatever else we can find.  We have all these things to keep us busy along with navigating school and all the things that come along with daily life.

While it can be fun doing these things, it is also bittersweet.

It’s hard for me to not think about the fact that he will miss out on different activities or the excitement of making a new friend.  He will miss out on the bedtime routine, the homework and even simple things like pickup and drop-off.

He doesn’t get to hold our sons hand at the dentist when he is scared.

He doesn’t get to wipe our daughters tears away when she gets hurt.

But he wants to.

He doesn’t get to teach them how to ride bikes.

He doesn’t get to snuggle with them every night.

But he wants to.

I often don’t send him as many pictures when we are apart.  Not because I don’t think that he should see them.  I worry about how it will affect him.  I don’t want him to miss them more than he already does but I don’t want him to miss out either.

We know there are options.

Trust me when I say that we have talked about a lot of them.  Our minds have changed several times already.  We know there are options for schooling.  Homeschooling or to just change schools whenever we moved is an option.

I know many families that are doing these things successfully and it works for them.  But each of us is different.  We feel this is what are family needs right now.

We also know there is always a way to make something work.  So, for now we are finding ways to make being apart work for our family. Technology certainly helps.  FaceTime is often used as signal allows.

Our family talks daily, even if it is only for a few minutes.  We keep the kids informed on what is happening and encourage them to be engaged in the conversation.

Please don’t mistake this post as looking for sympathy.

We know this is the path that we have chosen.  We have a plan and right now, this separation, this difficult situation is a part of that plan.

This post is more for those that are also experiencing this same situation.  I just want you to know that you are not alone.  There are others going through separation just like you.

It may not be for the same reasons but they know the heartache you feel.  The questions you have unanswered.  They have family and friends that just don’t understand.

There are others that loved this lifestyle but now want it to change so desperately.  Some are trapped financially and trying to figure a way out.  Others just love this work and are not ready to walk away from it.

Whatever the situation, there are others out there that are negotiating similar situations.  Trying to do the best for their family.

This post is for you. I hope you know that there are others out there, experiencing similar situations with our travel lifestyle. You are not alone.

Ways to help ease the separation…

• FaceTime, Skype, Zoom are great tools to have so that you can have a sense of connection.  They help by providing you with video calls.  You get to see each other while you chat.  We do this daily as long as he has a decent signal.
• Talk.  I’m mean really talk.  Separation makes things seem worse than they are sometimes.  You need to be able to share what you are feeling so things don’t get mixed up or lost in translation.
• Put yourself in their “shoes”.  Try to see things from the other person’s point of view.  Both parties are struggling with different things when separated.  My husband is so good at this, I need to do better.  It’s easy to get wrapped up in whatever we are dealing with that we don’t always stop to see what they are going through also.
• Make time for visits as often as possible.  Obviously this varies on distance and schedules but if you can make something work, DO IT!
• Find support.  Talk to people that can relate or are at least willing to listen.  If you need help finding places for support, check out my post about some resources here.
• If you don’t like the situation, make a plan to change it!

If you can relate and want to share, I would love to hear from you!  Drop a comment below!

As always, thanks for reading!

–Kate

That is quickly followed up by…

Asking my husband 100 questions he doesn’t have answers to

Anyone else do this? No?  Just me then.  LOL

I know I annoy him to no end but he still insists on telling me before he has all the details.  So, who is to blame really?

Part of it is the excitement of a new place but the other part is fear that we won’t find somewhere decent to stay.

My next steps all involve one word…internet!  I don’t know how we survived sometimes without it!  The internet has been such a big help though when it comes to finding out about new locations and places to stay.  So, my next steps are as follows:

Look up the location

If he doesn’t already know this answer he will generally go back and ask to satisfy my need.  LOL

I consider myself a planner. Not one of those super organized and well thought out planners though.  More like I need to have all the info to make a plan but I will only make half the plan and procrastinate the rest.

If I know the general area then I can scout out about a 50-mile radius of all the amenities we may need. Puts my mind at ease until I get more details.

See how long the drive will be and best route

I am always the navigator as my husband generally does the driving.  If I know how long the drive will be then I can find stops along the way to break up the drive so that our kids are not going nuts locked up in their car seats.

If it is a long drive, we like to look for a half way point to stay for the night.  None of us like to be in the vehicle for an all-day excursion so we make it about 6-7 hours max.

Locate closest campgrounds, hotels & short-term rentals

I check out ALL the housing options because I never know what we are going to find.  We try to stay in our camper as much as possible but there have been times because of lack of campgrounds nearby or them being full that we have had to find other options.  This is always dependent on when we are coming in to a job or how many other jobs are around the same area.

Check out city/town webpage

Another great resource is the closest town websites.  They often list any events happening and I have come across others that also help with rentals.  At the minimum, they list the local businesses which can help you decide if you want to stay near that area or a different one.  This is great for finding hair/nail salons, restaurants, healthcare or any services you may need.

My next focus is usually on what the city has to offer while we are there.  Any events, gyms, parks, kids’ activities, etc.

See if there is a local FB page

If there is you can connect with local businesses and any events that may be happening while you are in the area.  I tend to search for indoor play options for rainy/cold days, any unique shops or farms for trips and children’s museums or at least some museums the kids might be interested in checking out.

Don’t forget to look at a map to see what other towns may be close by and what they have to offer too!

Check out FB events

FB events is helpful for finding any festivals, art classes, food/drink tastings or other special activities that may be taking place near you.  It will default to the last place you used or biggest city nearby if you have location services on.  With smaller towns, you may have to type it in or look at towns close by.

To access FB events, go to your Facebook.  If on your computer, click on events on the left side.  Then Discover and type in your city.  You can also search a date range to help narrow things down.

If you are on your phone, click on the 3 lines at bottom left.  Find events then select your location either as nearby (preset) or change to town needed.  You can also select a radius to help find things close by.  Once you select your town you can choose from today, tomorrow or this weekend.

Groupon

Groupon is helpful for finding coupons to local activities, events or service in a location you choose. It will not be a complete list of things around but it can save you some money on a few of them!

Local hotel or chamber of commerce for pamphlets and info

We often go to a hotel to let the kids swim in the pool if we don’t have one at the campground.  Hotels usually have a shelving unit full of pamphlets for local attractions.

Chamber of commerce also has a ton of information and usually a knowledgeable person to speak with about the local area.  Both are great resources when you get to a new town.

See what activity options are near

My kids are just getting to school age so I usually try to find activities to keep us busy a couple days/week.  We have found sports camps, indoor play areas, farms, zoos and plenty of hiking trails to keep us busy.

For more information on finding things to do check out my post here

By this time the location has changed or time has been pushed back…LOL. Sound familiar?

Once we know for sure that we are going I either start from scratch for the new location (see above list) or start focusing on a place to stay.

Take a drive

If we are within 2 hours of the new location, myself and the kids or all of us will take a trip to the new area.  Look around. Find out where we are warehousing and map out what places we are considering staying (if there are options).

Most reputable places are honest with their pictures of their property and what sites may look like but there are other businesses that are not.  It’s just nice to be able to see them in person and also scout out other places to help anyone else that might be looking for a place to stay.

Visiting also gives us a chance to time and find the best routes to the yard from potential campgrounds, hotels, etc.  As well as routes from the current location to the new location.

Our most recent move we actually did about 3 trips.  Two to scout the area, to see what was around and potential yard locations.  The third was more of a drive by once we found a place we wanted to stay.  The kids and I were heading home to MI anyways so, we just drove an alternate route to see if that would work for taking the trailer and also to check out the campsite.

The two scouting trips were to check out some places I had already called on and to review a potential yard site.  Glad we made the trips because all the locations were not so great.  Definitely doable in a pinch but not ideal for us.

Peace of mind

All of the above tasks are essential to me getting comfortable with a new area.  I like to research and learn about the new place and see what options we have.  It helps me feel like I am participating a bit more with his work and gives me a sense of connection.  Some tasks are necessary for getting us set up but others are more for my satisfaction and mental health.

I hope these tips were helpful.

Let me know if you have a similar process for your moves, send me a message or comment below!

As always, thanks for reading!

–Katie

For a lot of women, the fact that summer is approaching means that we need to start thinking about how we will look in less clothing. No more layering and bundling to cover up our bodies.

So, now that you are traveling, where are you supposed to work out?

Read on to find top tips on working out in small spaces…

Here are a few options;

In your trailer/hotel/rental

Let me just tell you that if you truly want to work out, you can make it happen in any size space! I have completed yoga programs, weight lifting programs, and even cardio programs between my two couches and recliners. You may have a few extra steps to prep your space or clean up after but it can be done!

Trailers

Those of you that have opted for a toy hauler may have a bit of extra space in the garage to set up some sort of workout area.

The door in between is a bonus if you opt to work out while kids or hubby are sleeping, although I’m sure the trailer still shakes a bit as you jump about. LOL.

Could be soothing for the little ones! Our oldest used to sleep on the couch right next to me while I worked out. It seemed to help him sleep a bit longer most days.

If you don’t have a toy hauler, you can still accomplish your workout goals! Two of our campers had front living rooms so I was able to work out in between the couches. This usually worked out pretty well because it was a nice square space.  Talk about working out in a small space!

I envy those that have the kitchen and living room on one level. Those campers usually have the most floor space for a workout. Depending on what extras you have brought in to the camper, you may have to do some temporary rearranging to give you room.

Hotels

These really aren’t much more spacious than our trailers as far as room to workout but many often offer a gym.  If you would rather stay in your room than look for a corner of the room.  Most TVs rotate or use your laptop/phone and move a chair or two out of the way.  Voila!  You have space to workout!  Plus, you can get these great bands to help provide a bit more resistance!

Rentals

If you opt to rent apartments or homes while traveling then just pick an extra room or make some space in the living room.  This is by far the most spacious option so you should be able to make it work.

As my kids have gotten older, they think it is fun to work out with me. Awesome BUT it sure is cramped in that space! Just remember to be extra careful with any weights or jumping moves! Heck, even the squats can take a little one out! I may have done that a few times.

If you know you are not a self-motivated person or just prefer to work out with others, these top tips for working out in small spaces may help give you ideas;

Local gym

Local gyms can be an option but there is a cost, of course. Many gyms offer group classes or personal training if you are unsure where to start. A bonus too, if they have a child watch or daycare option!

Downsides to a gym are that some places have a difficult exit option when you no longer want your gym membership. Which can occur quite often with our type of travel. If it is a nationwide chain, you may be able to transfer to your next location or back home.

The YMCA and Planet Fitness have been pretty easy to exit out of and are mostly nationwide if you can transfer your membership.

Walking/Running

Walking/Running is a simple form of exercise but not everyone enjoys doing it on their own. You may be able to round up a group of others to walk/run that stay in the same campground or wherever you may be staying.

There are many apps out there to help you train for a certain distance or just help keep you motivated. I personally like the ease of the Couch to 5K but recently found a new one, Better Me, that gives a bit of variation to your runs.

Gym at campground

A somewhat rare option is a gym at a campground. I have only found this a couple of times at campgrounds but if you are staying at a hotel or apartment complex you may have a better chance of finding this option.

Even if the campground does not have a typical gym there is generally more space to move safely (not as much traffic).  There also might be a playground to act like a kid again while increasing your muscle strength.

Church/Community Center

I’ve noticed lately that local churches or community centers have started offering workout classes for groups. Most popular has been Zumba but you may be able to find other classes as well.

Workouts

Now that you’ve figured out where you can work out, let’s talk about some program options.  Another top tip for working out in small spaces is to utilize a streaming at home service.  There is no need to carry around DVDs and you can use it with most smart TVs or Roku, Chromecast, etc.

I have used Beachbody’s On Demand (BOD) off and on for about the last 2 years.  It’s easy to use, low cost and you get access to over 500 different workouts!  They offer videos for all different levels and anywhere from yoga to dancing to weight lifting.

BOD is great but I know there are other streaming services out there as well as a ton of YouTube videos with lots of variety as well.  Do a search for exercise videos and try some out!

Nutrition

Movement is super important to stay healthy but don’t forget about the nutrition side of things as well! You can bust your butt doing the latest workout but if you are not fueling your body and providing the energy it needs for those workouts then you will not always get the results you desire.

Remember to focus on whole foods. Avoid processed foods. A common tip for grocery shopping is to shop the outside aisles of the stores. This is where the fresh produce, meats, and dairy are generally kept.

Check out the EWG’s suggestions for the dirty dozen fruits and vegetables that should be purchased organically. For meats, try to find free-range, non-GMO, and grass-fed. Once you get items home, be sure to wash your fruits and vegetables. Check out these tips.

I am no expert but I do have experience in losing weight after having babies!! My best results were after our oldest. Breastfeeding certainly helped along the way but I put in the work too! I dropped 60 lbs within 13 months!

While we may be talking about getting in shape for the summer, it is important to remember that taking care of our bodies should be an all-year process. Eat well, get good sleep, and follow these top tips for working out in small spaces. I know it can be a challenge but you are worth it!

Let me hear how you are focusing on your health!!  For other tips on maintaining your overall health while traveling, check out my post on mental health.

If you would like to hear about how I lost the weight, send me a message or comment below!

As always, thanks for reading!

–Katie

Do you struggle with loneliness while traveling?  Even if you are not traveling alone it can still affect you.

Loneliness isn’t just an issue for those of us traveling but it is definitely a common feeling among us. Once the excitement of a new place has worn off and we start working on our schedules, it can start to feel a little mundane.

These are the moments that we would generally lean in on our family and friends.  Ask someone to go out for lunch or a drink.  Come over for a movie or talk in general. 

Unfortunately, when we are traveling those people are not generally available.  A phone call may work for a bit but sometimes you just need someone to physically be near you.

I know I do!  Don’t even need to have conversation with them (introvert here), I just need them near.  

My experience

For the first few years I relied heavily on my husband and on phone calls home.  This wasn’t fair to those people or myself.  I would find myself so frustrated when my husband worked late or stopped with the guys on the way home without me.  

I recall a particular moment within the first year of traveling.  My boyfriend (we weren’t married yet) went out with the guys before coming home.  He didn’t call initially so I got worried about where he was.  Once he did call, I was already worked up and upset.  We got in an argument on the phone which in turn, he stayed longer.  By the time he came home I was curled up in a ball, crying my eyes out.  I felt so alone.  

What was strange for me in that moment is that this wasn’t the first time I had traveled somewhere new and didn’t know anyone.  I had done it for almost 7 years prior to meeting him.  

Why is this so different?

What was different is that I was staying home all day by myself and expecting to socialize with him when he got home.  I had been doing that all week and by the end I was just plain lonely.

The same for my family, if someone didn’t answer the phone (usually because they were working) I would get so down.  Thoughts came to me like, “They don’t want to talk to me” or “They don’t have time for me”.  I was in the middle of depression and didn’t even realize it.  

I stopped calling people for a while, I just couldn’t handle the “rejection” of an unanswered phone. This lasted for a few weeks, the sadness, crying, laziness and just being a recluse in general.  It wasn’t until I had a conversation with a family member, that I realized I was depressed.  This person helped me understand what it was and offered suggestions to try to bring myself out of it.  

Whew, that got a little dark but I have to tell you that it is not always rainbows and unicorns traveling like this.  There are definitely plenty of amazing, beautiful, “I can’t believe we are living this life!” type moments but there can be just as many like what I mentioned above. Be aware of how you are feeling and know that there are ways you can change it with help!

These are a few things that I tried….

I asked the campground if they needed help.  They did! They hired me to work in the office a few hours during the week and Sunday mornings.  In exchange, we got my hours knocked off of our rent.  I watered the plants, organized/cleaned the small store and also assisted with reservations and parking.  This helped because I had to get myself together each morning to take care of the plants.  I also got to talk to other people and help them get situated for their stay.

I started looking for activities to keep me occupied during the off days.  There was a big city nearby that I checked out.  Shopping can be a good outlet with a budget in mind.  I became a “tour guide” for visitors (my brother in law’s girlfriend, a friend and some family).  

I started my phone calls again including a more regular call to the family member that helped me.  When I made calls I was more conscious of what time.  This way I could have a better chance of them actually being able to answer.  If someone wasn’t available then I took my dog for a walk to clear my mind.

Other options that I was not aware of at the time or are now available…

Pipeline groups on FB

There are a ton!  Find one or two that you feel you have a connection with.  Ask if anyone is near where you are and have a meetup!  There is also a Pipeline Ladies Lunching group where groups of ladies in different locations get together once a week to have lunch and socialize.  This is such a great resource!  I wish I had known about it sooner but did not until about 2015.  These groups have helped me meet quite a few ladies on different jobs that have been so supportive while we were together but also continue as we move to different places.

Company sponsored events

This is generally more common in the warmer months or around a holiday.  Some companies will put together a cook out or potluck.  We had a company this past year put on a trunk or treat for our families so we had a safe place to go.

Volunteer/community work

Find something you enjoy and volunteer in the local community.  This 

gives you a great avenue to meet some local people and give back.

Join a gym/YMCA

Exercise can do wonders for your mental health!  Join a local gym to improve or maintain your health.  Try a new class out and meet some new people!!

Find a job

Boredom is definitely hard to deal with and if you end up using shopping all the time as a coping mechanism then it could cause financial issues as well.  Finding a job can help break up boredom, give you extra money and might introduce you to a new friend.  Look for something that you would enjoy and maybe something different than what you are used to.  Don’t torture yourself and get something you dread going to each day.

We are social people by nature whether we are an extrovert or an introvert.  We crave being around others.  Don’t lock yourself away in your home on wheels when there is so much to see and do!

IF you are struggling with depression, reach out.  Talk to family, friends or a professional.  I’m here too!!

Here are a few links;

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.orgor 1-800-273-8255

https://www.crisistextline.org/depressionor text CONNECT to 741741

As always, thanks for reading!

–Katie